I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
