Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't think brook has ever known best
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
