Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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