Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
