Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
