she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
