Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
