The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
