my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
