I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
