shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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