i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
