nut hugger
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
