does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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