I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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