i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
