nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
