I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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