I feel like abortions should bother me more
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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