no, he came in my armpit
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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