I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
