i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
