My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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