Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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