Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
