i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
