i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
