If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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