So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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