yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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