i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
