I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
