In the future we'll all be gay
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
is it fun? or sober?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
