last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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