they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
