I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
