So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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