Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
