I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
