I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
