i was born a porn star she said
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
