No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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