Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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