he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The adults are the big ones right?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
