For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
