So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
