Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
