oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
