Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
accomplished twins. life is a go
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
