This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am one with the molecules
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
