u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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