she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
