allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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